My life has been rough and tough at times. I faced up to Shotgun Billy Smith and had a row with a topless barmaid over her tits in Hong Kong. Im told that James Bond also visited Bottoms Up and got away with murder. But I was so shaken and stirred by her anger that I paid extra to have a closer look at her breasts. Life got even more interesting when a pal of mine swam across the Fragrant Harbor in his underpants. I wasnt surprised that he kept a python as pet. I also sailed up the Nile and played jazz piano at the Winter Palace hotel in Luxor. Much later, I listened to Bud Powell show me how to do it in Paris. I sipped coffee in Venice and learned that Christians were not thrown to the Lions at the Coliseum in Rome. I leaned out of the tower in Pisa, made a date with a baronets daughter in London and then to top it all, I was offered a blowjob by a bum after I gave him a $100 tip in San Francisco. Lifes like that, but who cares?