Mathew Colbert was brought up in post war New Zealand as the only child of a middle income family, and was encouraged to lead a life that included plenty of sunshine, swimming and sport. However, at twelve years of age his innocence was shattered, as the combination of his athletic young body and mop of blond hair caught the attention of some unsavoury individuals. Contrived blackmail guaranteed his life plunged into the depths of depravity, as he was subjected at times to horrific sexual and physical abuse, mainly at the hands of a paedophile ring with links to Satanism. He admits there were times when tears flowed, and the subsequent red eyes this caused, he learnt to blame on the wind, as he sought to hide his abuse from his parents. This is his story, as he explains how he struggled to deal with what he was experiencing, both as a child and later, as an adult, being determined above all, not to become the proverbial angry young man, yet at the same time being equally determined to assist in the raising of a young family, while fighting his fixation on having his own son.