"So grossly offensive, I have to concede that maybe Europeans had this one coming" - François Dubois, Guide To European Tourism Management
The best reasons to not visit Europe ever put into print!
SO TELL ME AGAIN WITH A STRAIGHT FACE . . WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO DO A EUROPEAN TOUR?
"Disclaimer: This is a satire on Europe travel guide books. You know the ones we're talking about: Lonely Planet, Rough Guides, Frommer's. If you don't take kindly to travel humor, kindly get the f-k out of here." - The Publisher
For decades, people have the sought the ideal Europe guide book, a travel guide that was witty, entertaining, and packed with funny travel stories and crude jokes you could tell your cousins. That search is over. A hilarious non-award winning Europe guide book has finally arrived with Voltaire Brown's Don't Travel Europe.
Europe was a waste of time during the Crusades, the Inquisitions, and the Napoleonic Wars, and today it's just as much of a waste of time with talk of European Unions and various Russian vodka intoxication treaties. Who knows what tomorrow may bring, but Voltaire Brown can assure you that whatever is in Europe's tomorrow, it, too, will be a waste of your time.
In this one-and-only edition, travel-philosopher Voltaire deservingly rips the pretentious and not-so-pretentious nations of Europe a new one, as he goes over the funny background, history, the people, the currencies, and customs of a vastly overrated continent well past its prime.
A Travel Guide Unlike Any Of The Europe Travel Books You've Ever Read Or Will Read
Voltaire's acerbic travel humor doesn't butter up Old World countries already swimming in saturated fats. With European price levels the way they are, you can nix the idea of a European tour on a shoestring unless you enjoy the idea of, literally, traveling around Europe with a shoestring. That's all you'll be able to afford in a continent where a toilet urinal can be passed off as a work of Renaissance art and a hefty admission fee (plus VAT) charged. A drunken few have called this a true Europe for dummies travel guide book because, if you decide to travel Europe after reading it, you really are a dummy.
Let Voltaire Brown show you there has never been a better time not to go to Europe!
Lie back enthralled as Voltaire goes over:
Why a cup of yoghurt is more worthwhile than a trip to France.
How the Pope takes a real vacation.
Why the AIDS rate is so low in Scandinavia when the locals engage in round-the-clock unprotected sexual activity.
How many Soviets it took to screw in a light bulb.
Why Germans ever come back to Germany when they dislike it so much.
Who is lazier: the Spanish or the Portuguese.
Why it's necessary for the people of Finland to have good memories.
What a Swiss terrorist does.
The worst days of the year to be in Andorra. Hint: there are 364 correct answers.
What solution the British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher proposed for the Northern Ireland/Republic of Ireland problem after getting drunk at a pub in Dundalk in 1981.
The term for a Greek person whose IQ is equal in value to his shoe size.
What it really means when a Hungarian says she's on a diet.
And much, much more.
Europe Like You've Never Seen It Before!
You've bought Lonely Planet and Rick Steves guide books in the past. They're expensive and boring, possess no funny travel stories, and their information is dated immediately. Why not pick up the world's only don't travel Europe guide book which never dates and promises to be as funny tomorrow as it was today?
On entertaining page after entertaining page, Voltaire will give you innumerable reasons to steer clear of the Old World and hit a Chinese (or Pan-Asian) buffet instead, where you can receive real value for your money.
Voltaire's best rule regarding travel is not to go in the first place. History can be funny. Don't repeat it. Be wise, heed his advice, and save a bundle by staying at home!